yesterday met bendan(kaixian) at amk mrt at 1 +
hehe was late because both of us slept late and woke up very late

cant blame us (:
then we mrt-ed to douby ghaut to plaza sing.
heheh thought i never been there before but turns out i kinda rmb that place

anyway we bought tickets for bedtime story for 245.
then we went down to eat again

bendan(ivan) made us walked up the escalator from b1 to all the way up and down again. tsk LOL
went to eat at some jap restaurant named kyoto something

remember kyoto only because bendan (ivan) corrected me hahah.
the egg was nice, note that food that i order doesn taste good. lols

anyway was late then we rushed to movies
bendan (kaixian) keep noticing the couple beside us kissing LOL
shes a stalker :O whole movie keep telling me.

anyway halfway of the movie, i accidentally kicked the chair infront then the guy/women turned back. haha
bendan(ivan) didnt notice but nvm hehe (:

haha then at the climax of the movie bendan (kaixian) did something funny LOL
secret :x cannot tell. LOL

hahah watched finish le then attemp to find watch for each other christmas present
but failed tsk -.-

haha although she say give up dunt want buy le, but she doesn mean it hahha :P
then went to eat secret recipe
haha both the cake suck btw.

bendan( ivan)'s drink like omg so sour but when drink very fast very shiok (:
and go out with him dont need pay anything. feel bad.
he will angry. so weird. nvm bendan(ivan) IS weird -.-

hahah followed by watching twilight, man the story so long and boring
yawn. hah (:
after that we parted at somerset where she went to met her parents

thats the end of yesterday (:
oh oh, this post is written by bendanssss (ivan and kaixian)

Sunday,

4 days before school starts.
to begin with, i dunt think i have much to post abt

or rather do i have the mood ?

came back home after outing and 2 movies feeling rather happy
and then she had to say she wish she didn have this son

she praised me in the morning, everything was fine
what went wrong !

who cares, since she said that
i wldn give a damn abt her anymore.

talking abt school, i seems like im not prepared much
haha wheres my school books
and how come the ink on my homeworks disappear :O

was anything written on it anyway LOL
damn, so little time so much to do
i wish school starts later.

hahah irony (:

aiya, im just going to live my own life.
thats about it then.

wei continue tagging (:

haha christmas didnt turn out that bored

staying over at cousin's house (:
cooooooool, just finished macs, hehe

anyway im just thinking someone wldn feel good celebrating christmas without friends

hahah poor brother (:
tsk.

how are you now ? what you doing ne, having fun ma ?
im bored, talk to me :d

hahah come back sooooooon :O
we will go fetch you but first, get online !

and merry christmas (:
we miss you !

from your niceeeeeee brother,
ivan.

HEY its christmas eve but wheres the spirit :/

he distinctively remember how much he enjoyed the last christmas
he remember how much he long for christmas to come again

then again,
things were different this year.
the life he used to have was no longer his ; he lost everything.

he woke up on a rather gloomy morning
feeling as sleepy as he felt before he slept last night.

he thought maybe its because of the nice raining sensation
or perhaps,
something was lacking.

the lively house he thought it wld be
turned out rather cold and lonely.
he quickly looked around but there wasnt sight of any christmas tree.

he was disappointed, indeed.

he frantically search for a calendar to make sure its the correct date
yes, there wasnt any mistake.
its decemeber 24th, thats christmas eve.

he was stunned things went so badly
he thought life had turned so meaningless.

in that case, he didnt want it anymore.
he wished that god take that away from him.

some attemptted to cheer him up and blame it on the financial crisis
but he knew it wasnt.

he wasnt silly though.
there are many things he havent done.
he doesn want to die young.

he could only say
christmas was nothing but just a children's fantasy.

christmas dunt exist.

Tuesday.

yesterday was bloody monday.
i dunt know what wrong with my skin nowadays
i feel that its .. more 'fragile' ?

he was cutting the tomato as ordered, everything was fine
till something caught his attention instead

blood quickly flow out as the knife slits through his thumb
and drips on the nicely cut diced tomatos.

his mind turned blank as he stares at the blood dripping from his thumb
while wondering how it will feel if the blood comes from his wrist instead.

a familar voice snapped him out of it.
but things starts to turn wrong.
the kitchen seems like its spinning sideways, his eyes starts failling him
he grabs on anything he feels and made his way to the office and sit down.

feeling rather uncomfortable, he thought he might have to spend the night at the hospital instead.
he was terrified, but chose not to think any further

he merely rested his head on the table

time seems to past by real quickly.
looking at the crowd decrease in number as many orders were served
he felt better or maybe his too numb to feel anything

but exhaustion filled him quickly.

clearing up things as fast as he could
he was on his way, rushing for the last bus as usual.
but things were quite different that day.

he was alone.

as the bus passed numeral bus stops
the passenger on board decreased till only one was left, him.

he used to think its freaky to be on a bus alone at night
but he was glad that day.

sitting at the last roll of seat on the bus,
he turned on his music and leaned his head against the glass window.

the streets that used to be stranger to him seems to be filled with memories now.
his mind thundered and no longer, it rained.

he was drenched.
but it doesnt matter to him anymore.

he know today wun be the worst day.
he knew someone out there will see him through,

someone . .
but he never get to know who.




p/s: im not emo (: im just trying out the narrative style.

Monday.

seriously woke up feeling not very good.
i feel sad cause i cant make it for basketball again

but im seriously ill la.
i just got mc for work on saturday.

stomach very grouchy. ( is that how you spell ? )

i think i went to toilet twice in a row already -.-
wah i think im slimming down again, haix or yay ?

actually i came to realise life seems to be contradicting at times.
is there something we have to accomplish before we die ?
or we just live to die anyway.

maybe everything we accomplish turn to dust once we die,
then again, whats the meaning of life.
sometimes i wonder, whos the author to my life.

as far as i've known, im not the author,
i wldn't write such a tough life for myself, well that person sucks though.

my story will include me finding a gold mine one sudden day and get damn rich at the age of 14.
then i wld retire immediately.

or maybe the whole world revolves around only me.
its like everything still exist, humans have their thinking but i control them.

haha a little selfish, but its a dream anyway.

at least i finally understand whats the real meaning of happiness, sadness, angry or moody.
take a different approach and look at things this way.

happiness represents sugar, everybody likes it.
but nobody will eat sugar ; be happy, always.

happiness like sugar are not good for health if someone takes it too much.
maybe thats why nobody gets it all the time ?

or take it like sadness is a pinch of salt.
too much is unbearable but some is needed to keep things in place ?

being angry and moody spice things up a little ?

in another words, there wun be any one of them without one of them.
make sense ?

im obstinate, i demand happiness only.
one string difference between understanding and acknowledging.

this proves that im not cut out to become a buddha.
enlightment isnt a word for me, free thinking is my way.

i tasted sweet, sour and bitterness of life.
im done with it, im choosing to be numb.
i dunt mind starting all over again.

call me ivan, my age is one.

Sunday.

its 4 more days to christmas (:
i cant wait for gifts though. nah i dun know what im waiting for though.

maybe its the class thingy. feel kinda nervous, wondering what kind classmate i will get

well i cant wait till kai xian comes back on the 24th,
then we can go out watch twilight, followed by seoul and go sing k !

then on the 27th when boon how comes back, then i get my yishun mate again (:

maybe on the 31st when dai qian comes back from china.
cooool then i have someone to talk to (:

or maybe im just waiting for the day when im ready to start on my homeworks LOL
dunt talk abt them !

i woke up to realise its a sunday anyway.
typical boring sunday when everyone just sleep their ass off
till their butts get scrotched by the sun

and im like stupidly waiting for someone to online since 10 +

sunday blues ! :O

hey actually i think i know what kind of lifestyle i like.
i like adults life (:

like hang out late at night having fun, maybe a little wine but NO BEER OR SMOKE.
well maybe after the 'O's which is 2 years away

then i will find some friends then hang out late late.

because of the new law which prevents underage teen to go out late night.
i remember im so afraid if i happen to see any police car patrolling at night after work.

then i have to spend lots of time explaining why im on the streets
then they call parents, school, etc

pain in the ass. haha.
well i saw one a few days ago after work, the police car on big light on me but they never stop though.

maybe i look adultish. coool :D

oh i want to make a wish. its 1.11pm btw.
ben dan tells me wish will come true when you see triple 1s.

to santa : ivan wish to grow up faster (:

dunt have the slightest idea why god is taking away things from me,

maybe i've yet to learn the lesson behind everything.

it still hurts though, but i decided to be fine anyway.
but sometimes..

like i told someone, its not good to be too cheerful anyway.
whats on the outside doesn represent the inside.

victoria told me expert say that one needs double the amount of time to forget someone you love.
i say i need thrice, maybe a lifetime.

hahah thats a joke (:

well, other says that maybe getting into another relation will help.

but i tried, it doesn really help. ( i tried trying to like another one ) -failed
or rather i dunt know how to do it.

it doesnt really matter anymore though.
i have no rights to control anyone in the first place.

at least shes happy w/o me.
(maybe that guy suit her better )
all the best then.

its a new ivan with new life.
hey im single and availble, 14.

anyone interested ? hahha (:

well yesterday go mg 'concert' with victoria and lorena.
i though some kind of like victoria concert hall so big then i wore so formal -.-

in the end its just a small room then have big party only.
quite cool though.

got so interested in beatboxing.
alot chio bu too but overage ! how nice if im born earlier hahha.

anyway met victoria and vivian at 7. reached bugis then they tell me at BHG.
then i went over. guess what.

BHG got 3 storey, she didnt tell me which one then phone also never answer.
haix. haha.

then sent vivian off. then went to eat some japanese reataurant.
my treat sia, haha.

their mango something drink was awesome so was the greeny dessert/desert vic ordered.
( p/s: i dunt know which one is the right spelling LOL )

then lorena came then rushed over to the place.
stand for few hours watch ppl perform.

cool cool cool.

then went mac slack off a bit. then homed !
lorena say i quite gentleman sia (:

wahah. anyway cabbed vic home then went home.
till next time :D